Hippo's Trip to Florence and Siena

Text: Eric Cochrane

Photos: Elizabeth Fama

Many people take pictures of their ugly families on vacation. We take pictures of Hippo. So here's a journal of Hippo's trip to Florence. You should also see Hippo's trip to Rome. The photographic works of art were accomplished by Elizabeth. But now I've hijacked her website.

Here Hippo is in front of the First Bank in Siena. We were all given some euros in case we wanted to buy something, and somehow hippo tripled her supply. Being outsmarted by a person sucks, but being outsmarted by someone without a pulse sucks worse.

This little photographic masterpiece of the Palazzo Vecchio makes me question how much of our mental energy we devote to Hippo. This shot took us about 10 minutes to get just right.

Hippo got in some trouble at the Duomo in Siena. Places of worship have a zero-tolerance policy. Hippo only got a stern lecture for playing in the holy water but when she found the prayer candles the pope was almost called in. Hippo on being nearly excomunicated: "I still have my head. The church was all talk."

Saints are often depicted carrying spikey wheels or other pointy burny death instruments. Many just hold palms. We had to explain to Hippo that people didn't go to heaven because they had palms, but that people who go to heaven tend to acquire palms. After a confused look we just told her to focus on being good for Santa.

You should have seen the security guard's face when he saw this. A couple "yo no speako Italiano"s made him feel better.

This is an ancient roman theatre in Fiesole. I also cut myself here while trying to cut food. The wound didn't need sewing, but I'm not allowed to touch sharp things anymore.

Hippo's an angry drunk.

There's Hippo's trip to Italy. On the planeflight back I didn't get up to pee once. A ten hour flight and I barely moved a muscle. The doctors say I nearly died, but they're always saying that. So far it's Reckless Boggy: 1 God: 0.